Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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