Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
