Moan for me like Helen Keller
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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