AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
