having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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