Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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