I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
