Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
