I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
