in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
