Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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