i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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