suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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