Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
