You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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