You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
