So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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