Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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