I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
