i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
