dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
