I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
