They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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