They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize