Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
