apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
