That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
