he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
