I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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