I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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