i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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