I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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