I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
