then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
