Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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