so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
