True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
