I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
