If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
