Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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