just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
