i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
