What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
