I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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