If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
