Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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