WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
