I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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