thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
