Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize