that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
