plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
