I bet he comes in French.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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