Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
