HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
are you so shy because you have an std?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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