omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
