Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
