farters have to be the big spoon...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We got so high we made milksteak
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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