Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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