addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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