ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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