Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
