MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish you could order shots online.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
