the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
