I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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