Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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