peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
