Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
